Sober Nober

I'm getting so sick of this sober shit.  I can't consume any alcohol because the last three times I've tried I've broken out on my face with red itchy red patches. I went out a few times this week soberly and it just gave me anxiety.  I'm a social person.  I felt awkward, I felt like I didn't fit in, I felt like a buzz kill.  There's never good timing for a disease.  I'm not here for a pity party or for people to look down and feel bad for me.  When I'm out people ask why I'm not drinking.  It gets old having to rehash the whole "I'm on medicine and had an allergic reaction to alcohol therefore I can't drink anymore" and people 'feeling bad'.  It is not totally the fact that I can't drink, it's about this disease getting in the way of me being a fun and normal college student. I feel defeated. I know the disease makes me not normal as it is especially when it comes to drinking.  I wanted an escape.  Friday night, my friend asked me if i wanted to do cocaine.  I left my friends at the bar.  It was a surprisingly warm night in February, a tease for whats to come in the following months.  I trudged up the hill in my heels. I did a line off of his bar.  I felt the back of my throat go numb like I was just at the dentist. The rest of the night was amazing. I felt amazing. It felt like a summer night with no cares in the world. I couldn't help but smile.

I love ponies